Warning - serious post ahead.

Thank goodness for blogger and the platform to get something out before it eats me alive.

When I was thirteen or fourteen, a kid in our church killed himself. He was my age and for whatever reason he felt the need to do this after his girlfriend broke up with him. We were all very sad and also felt really bad for his parents. However, what has stuck with me all these years is what my mom said when she told us about it (he was in our youth group, so we had to know.)

She said, "There is NOTHING ever so bad in your life that is worth taking your life for. Ever. Your dad and I will love you no matter what. Nothing will ever change that. Please, you can always talk to us, we can always fix whatever it is. Just never think that suicide is a way out."

Honestly, nothing in my life has ever been that bad for me to seriously think about it. I've had on and off bouts of depression, but thankfully they have always past. So it's hard for me to think how bad things could be for me to ever want to try to kill myself.

I completely lost it yesterday when I got a message from my best friend in Wales that her little brother hung himself. It's possible I nearly passed out for a few seconds.....then became racked with tears, shaking and sobbing. I feel pain for what he was going through, the pain left with his family who I care so deeply about. And the horrific details that I won't repeat here. But we are left knowing although it was spontaneous, he wanted to do it, and unfortunately was successful at it. But twenty-five is too young.

I just keep thinking back to that statement my mom told me 20 years ago. I have never forgotten it. I know his family loved him and he heard the same thing at times or others from his family too. But he was so far gone he didn't believe it. And that hurts.

And so today, at my friend's Halloween party - when he should be hiding in the park to be a monster for his niece and nephew's monster hunt, he won't be there. He will never be there. And it hurts.

So please keep this family in your prayers. RIP Liam

What do you DO, exactly?

I get asked a lot about what a doula does, and what exactly I do.

I started my business blog, and thought I would share it with you. Here I post short birth stories, this and that about birth and doulas. I also share my story on why I became a doula and why doulas are a great resource in the birth and postpartum period.

Mamatoto Doula Services

It's an unusual name, but it means a lot to me. My journey to becoming a doula started when I was 17 and bought a book from a funky used bookstore in the Old Market in downtown Omaha. Mamatoto is a swahili word meaning Mother Baby and was the title of this book.

If you have any questions about doulas, or how to find one in your area, check out: http://www.dona.org/

12 weeks, what?

So I'm having a bit of an insomnia moment and realized I wore "those jeans" last weekend and didn't tell you. Sorry blog world - how did I miss that milestone!

Yes, I wore them out and about. And still a bit tight on the waist - but it's a good thing. It means I eat less candycorn.

So - here ya go:

Girl, you crazy

So a friend of mine told me about this National November Writing Month (ie NaNoWriMo) challenge of writing a 50,000 word novel in a month. The month of um, yeah, November.

Being that I'm a crazy person I decided, hey, I could do that.

That was after reading THIS statement on the website:

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It's all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that's a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.

I'm all about writing crap.

So - anyone else wanna give it a shot. Lucy? Annie? I'm looking at you, girlfriends......

Pictures!

NEW FRIDGE!

Wish I had video of the quivering lip....

Seriously - what are you doing?

Dear 2 followers and 4 readers - I'm sorry - I've been busy.

Doing what?

Well......

1. Meg is 10 months old. She's crawling...she's teething. She's nursing striking. Woe is me....
2. BFF had twins. TWINS! I'm getting lots of postpartum work.
3. Rhys is 4.5 and is going on 14. Let the huffing and eyerolling commence.
4. Preschool 3 mornings a week. It's a good thing.
5. I'm working again. 2 babies down (not including the twins) and 1 more to go til oncall again in a few weeks.
6. On call, you say? Hypothetically I should go to bed early and not blog like a fool. Keep on top of the housework and meals and have babysitters on speed dial. Phone on me at all times. Cannot travel further than, say, Iowa City.
7. Rhys ate liquid hand soap while sleepwalking. Called poison control for the first time.
8. Been writing fiction under a pen name. It may or may not be Twilight related fanfiction. Somehow entered my first piece in a contest and won awards. Both excited and embarrassed at the same time.
9. Husband starting masters degree on Wednesday. I'm kinda pooping my pants a bit and I'm not even taking the classes. It's in accounting, by the way. I love my Nerdboy.
10. Baking and gardening and canning like a pioneer woman. It's awesome.
11. In love with SKINS on BBCAmerica. I always think I'll hate the new kids, but I can't help but love them as much as Season 1 and 2. Another reason I'm up too late.
12. Twitter - it's the new heroin.
13. Reading - a lot. Can anyone say new Diana Gabaldon book?
14. Not losing weight fast enough to talk about it. Enjoying baked goods too much. And icecream. And onion rings.
15. Had to turn on the heat yesterday. I love fall though. Went to the pumpkin patch yesterday and U-pick apple orchard today. It was glorious.
16. I love being a doula. I just freaking love it.

I miss you all - promise to post pics of the pumpkin patch and apple orchard soon!