Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Homecoming

To put it simply, we had a great time! It was a blast catching up with old friends and just hashing out old memories that only we can remember! Marching the parade was a riot, and the game Saturday was the BEST! Except the good football players apparently didn't show up for the Hawkeyes and we lost to Indiana.

We actually got to march the pregame show - but I think the best part was playing in front of the rec center for all the fans. It all came rushing back and I felt like part of the band again.
Enjoy the pics!!!

After the parade at the airliner

Rec show, watching the "junior" band
We had good "seat" aka the concrete ground

There we are, marching pregame! Check out Mollie's huge grin!

Friday, September 28, 2007

Holding the space for some serious fun

This weekend is Iowa's homecoming! I have one friend driving and another flying to meet up and we're heading to the parade tonite! But the best part: we are marching in the alumni band. Whoooop whooop! Mollie and I are playing cymbals, and Hilary will be on melophone (a marching french horn for the laymen out there). So far I know several friends who are also going, who I haven't seen for years. We all marched from 1995-1997 (I think Hilary went to 1998 tho). So it's been 10 years since I've played the cymbals, done flips or anything like that. It should be a great blog entry.


Tomorrow is the football game vs Indiana where we get to march the pregame show and play during the game. Of course after pictures will be shared. But until then, enjoy the walk down memory lane just 11-12 years ago....

Hilary, Mollie and some weird backward hat, buckteethed girl at the Sun Bowl in El Paso, TX back in 1996:

All of the cymbals at the band extravaganza at Hancher Auditorium, Fall 1996:
Band Banquet, Spring 1997, Mollie, me and Hilary:
Badass biotches at the Iowa Sesquacentennial (that word sucks to spell) 1996:
Hilary, Me and Mollie Fall 1997- There are several reasons Big Ten college band is different from high school band. Beer vs Mt. Dew, Cigarettes vs lollipops, House parties getting busted by cops vs watching movies and a 11:30 curfew:

Monday, September 24, 2007

Tagged: my husband

(Sheer happiness and exhaustion - the day we brought Rhys home)



What's his name? Aaron Michael Mead


How long have you been together? 6 years married, 8 1/2 years including our first date.


How long did you date? 2 1/2 years but we were friends for 4 years before that.


How old is he? 33


Who eats more? He does.


Who said "I love you" first? I remember wanted to tell him and having all these bad dreams when I was in Wales visiting (after 2 weeks of dating) that I wouldn't have the chance to say it if I died on the plane or train home! I'm sure we said it after I got back because I was so paranoid. But he told me he was going to marry me after 2 months of dating, I said, "Yeah right!" My longest relationship at that point had only been 4 months, so I told him not to hold his breath.


Who is taller? He is 6'3"


Who sings better? I think we're both good, but I'm more trained so I have to say me (I do have the music degree to prove it)


Who is smarter? We're smart on different levels. He is number and history smart, I am artsy/pop culture/chemistry/random junk smart.


Whose temper is worse? I yell, he throws stuff, it's a tie.


Who does the laundry? Mostly me


Who does the dishes? all but 99.99% me


Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? me


Who pays the bills? Well, technically HIS paycheck pays the bills, but i write the checks and put them in the mail.


Who mows the lawn? 50/50, he's better at it than I am.


Who cooks dinner? Me


Who drives when you are together? Usually he does


Who is more stubborn? Probably me


Who is the first to admit when they're wrong? Me, but I make him say it if he is, he doesn't volunteer that information...


Whose parents do you see the most? It used to be his, but this year has been weird and we've seen mine more. We were just talking about that the other day.


Who kissed who first? He kissed me, but I was willing!


Who asked who out? He did, I thought it was just friends, and then he shows up all fancied up in a nice shirt and pants and I was wearing a skanky tee shirt and jeans. whoops. Thank God he's not into first impressions!


Who proposed? He did, it was awesome, but that's another story


Who is more sensitive? We both are, but I definitely cry more and get my feelings hurt more.


Who has more friends? I do


Who wears the pants in the family? I do, but I make him think he does. That's how good marriages work, right?

Saturday, September 22, 2007

My Celebrity Look a Like



I've seen this done before, but never did it with my own picture. Mainly because I was too lazy to pick one out. I wish I could post ALL the people I matched with, but I wanted MORE GIRLS THAN GUYS!!! I was also matched with Regis Philbin for crying out load and some other dude who looks like the bass player from fallout boy. And Tori Spelling? Seriously..... I had to keep Kiefer tho!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Checklist for family picture day

Arrange picture date when stepdaughter was here for a week - CHECK

Coordinated outfits - CHECK

Hair cuts for the boys - CHECK

Hair braided to cover up the growing out of bangs for stepdaughter - CHECK

Wrangled 2 year old into a semi normal pose - CHECK

Everyone smiling - CHECK

Aaron blinking at the exact moment picture was taken - CHECK

Realizing this after picking up pictures that there is a "slight" time delay on the proof - CHECK

Throwing out 11x14, 3 8x10s, 4 4x5, 4 mini pics and a million wallots - CHECK



Rescheduling picture - to be determined

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

To Doula and Beyond!

I'm going to get my postpartum doula certification in October!! Whoo hoo! I finally feel like I can move on with something in my life, no matter what pans out with PA school next year. If I feel good with that, I'm moving on to labor doula, childbirth educator and lactation consultant... And I can open my own business with that too. It's cool how my Mary Kay business really fits in with this. Taking care of women, making them feel special and providing a service.

So if you are going to have a baby anytime soon, and would like a doula to help you through your way - you will know who to call!!! And it's not ghost busters...doo doo doo doodoo DOO DOO!

Friday, August 24, 2007

My awesome 31st birthday!

This was the super kick ass cake that Aaron got me for my birthday. Man, it was so good......chocolate cake, peanut butter, chocolate Icream, repeat. with dark chocolate frosting coating the entire thing. Top with peanut dipped peanut butter cups and you've got heaven on a plate.

We stayed up late to eat this after Rhys went to bed each night (we stretched it out all week!)- he's too young to appreciate how awesome it was and would just pick out the candy and leave the rest...talk about rude!

So, I have to put this happy picture I took of myself today at 31. My bday was the 20th, but couldn't be bothered until now to do it. I was going to think of a list why 31 is awesome, but I'm just happy for my health, my family and my friends. I think the 30s have been pretty good - so bring them on!



Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Nonsensical

I don't even know if that is a word.

I'm set to the start the new fall semester at Iowa in less than a week. I'm excited, but also wondering, what the heck am I supposed to be doing now? Is the PA school basket where I need to put all my eggs. I've been working towards this for 5 years, what if I was wrong? All this time and money and sacrifice could be for nothing. And that is really depressing.

I don't fail very often, but when I do it seems to be huge. I know I have one more chance left (my own restriction, not the program)- but part of me feels unmotivated to do some of the things I need to do to become more competetive. Why give up more family time if it's for naught? How pathetic does that sound?

I'm looking at other PA schools in the country, trying to find what else I can do. But each require so many different things - I will have to take more classes, etc since not all the programs require the same things. How annoying is that? It will have been over 10 years since I took Gen. Psych and an English class. So I will have to take those again. Another requires freaking calculus. I took that in high school for Godsakes!

I suppose I'm willing to wait and see what happens. What makes this so hard is I'm researching backup plans - and those seem to appeal to me more than jumping through all these hoops. And knowing I have a 12/13 chance to fail again. Man, those odds suck.

Deep down I know that settling for nursing then working towards a nurse practioner/midwife or saying heck to the world and just becoming a midwife/doula where I will have a hard time finding a job isn't the right move. I will be frustrated with the limitations that I would have in this country. NP is great, but I have to work as a staff nurse for awhile before I can apply. And you have to specialize too....

I feel better writing this vent - probably boring to the 2 people who read this blog, but isn't that was blogging is all about? Venting to the abyss?

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Wow

Anyone read this book?



Please discuss. And if you haven't put it on your summer/fall reading list.
I cried a lot today reading it, not only for the amazing story - but also a lot of links between their story and my own family's with Dad's disease, sickness and liver transplant. My brother and I were on the fringe for a lot of it, which was really scary. Deep down I knew why (too young, and then too far away)- but it didn't stop the resentment and frustration that I felt. Reading Lee's struggle with giving her kids the right amount of info without scaring them, was something I didn't think about my Mom having to deal with. I mean, I knew she did, but didn't think how tough that was to her. Her number 1 priority had to be my Dad.
Anyway - I hope someone else reads it so I can have someone to talk to about it!

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Untitled




"I don’t know exactly what a prayer is.


I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down


into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,


how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,


which is what I have been doing all day.


Tell me, what else should I have done?


Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?


Tell me, what is it you plan to do


with your one wild and precious life?"

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Out of the mouth of babes




A list of the hilarious things Rhys is saying now:


1. Oh MAN!!!

2. I DID it! (even if he doesn't)

3. Me, "Rhys, go get your buddy." Rhys, "No, Mommy do it."

4. Hey MOM! (He hardly ever says Mommy now, just in the above request)

5. If you watched the Tour, they played (over and over) that tire commercial with the guy who ran over a piece of wood who says, "Who wants to get a flat tire?" Rhys says, "I DO!!!!"

6. On the way to put Buddy in the wash for his "bath". I hear Rhys whisper to him, "It's ok, just a minute, then it's ok." I almost cried.

7. Looka me!

8. Ewwww...Daddy tooted.

9. Hee hee hee...I tooted TOO!

10. And the best at ni-night time: Goodbye (not night, always bye) Mom, I lubyou.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Long overdue

Hi guys - It's been awhile. I have posted my race report in emails, and other blog sites on my facebook and myspace, as well as TNO. So I thought I'd do more of a photo-version since I finally have pics!

We started out the trip with a very loaded mini-van. Most of that was my folks since they were staying in Chicago for almost a week after the race.

There was quite a bit of time before my wave started, and I actually found Dad. It was more than a little windy. Check out my sweet cap in my top - I saw other girls doing it and so I followed the trend. Look how tan I am! The "sideboob" practically glows in the dark!Great transition area pic! My bike is somewhere in there.

I realized after an hour or so waiting, I had to pee. Then I saw the lines. I decided to pee in the lake instead.

Dad and I took a few pics before my swim start. He kept talking about all the ladies, how old some looked and young others were. We saw body shapes of all kinds and all abilities. We were both pretty much in awe of the whole thing.




Uh oh - time to line up. My friend Hilary was in the 25-29 year olds in the green caps behind the 30-34 old ladies like myself! She yelled "KRISTEN MEAD!!!" before I got out there, it was so awesome to know she was cheering me on too!

That's me, yellow cap #2603. And yeah, baby got back!

When we got in the water we got fired up by one of the founders of the triathlon and a million times winner of the Ironman - who is also only 60 and is in kick butt shape. Our mantra word was "Terrific!" and then the countdown began...I tried hard not to cry when I realized it was time. 3...2....1.....GO!

After the swim it was time to get on the bike! Out I go - check out the game face.

The bike was a lot of fun, but pretty tough with a killer wind. Every couple of miles there were signs posted, "The woman who has the most fun wins!" and "Do this for the woman who can't." I hate biking and crying. Meanwhile, as I was killing myself out there, I mean, having fun - These guys were having a blast in the sun!

Here comes T2, slow but steady. I was so happy I didn't crash clipping out!
And now it's time to run - I mean walk. I was bummed my heartrate held me back. But I did manage to run the finish! Check out my smile!




Everyone was beaming and yelling my name! The fam also made a sign which was fun to see coming in. However, someone special literally drifted off when Dad said, "Here comes Mommy!!!"



Oh well - he'll see me finish the next one, hopefully! And now for a great family pic!

Now time to take off the shoes, stretch and EAT!!!!



Thank God they didn't take a pic of my getting back up after cooling down for about an hour. Phew!

So, will I do another, and was it worth it? Absolutely. I am looking forward to a local race in 2 months and hope to drop more weight, and time off my current personal records I set at the race! Luckily I didn't mess up or forget anything too major. I did just about everything I had planned. I think next time I will smile a bit more and cheer on the other racers - I was so focused on myself I felt like a sponge for everyone else's encouragement. The ladies were so awesome cheering me on throughout the entire race. How cool is that?

Anyone want to join for the next one?

Friday, July 06, 2007

We leave for Chicago on Saturday (tomorrow) and the tri is finally here on Sunday!! I won't be able to post again until after the race (be home late Monday because I'm spending the night with a college friend Sunday).

Wish me luck!!!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Countdown!

Well, it's only 12 days til I meet this goal head-on! I have been reading up on the pre-race info and it seems complicated. But my family will be there to help me out and I can trust them to get me there in once piece. Not just Aaron and Rhys, but also my parents are coming out too! I can't say how much that means to me.



Even tho I need to start tapering next week I don't feel like I've done enough? My times are leveling off. Honestly I don't think I can do much more on my times beside lose weight to get faster. With the heat we've had, and the flu hitting our house last week, not eating isn't too much of a problem for me.



But it's very frustrating to work so hard and still feel like I'm moving in slow motion. Remember those cartoons with the characters spinning their legs and not going anywhere? That's me!



I'm not bashing myself - I just know I have a long way to go. This is going to quite the accomplishment and I am excited to have some fun and know that I am a triathlete!

Monday, June 25, 2007

Not about me - amazing!




I thought this was cute and it's fun to see my brother-in-law Bryce successful on his new pro cycling team! He's pretty much the team "bitch" right now, but hopefully will get to win a few races soon! Currently they are storing the team vehicle and trailer at his folks in Illinois. Rhys and Zannie both thought it was pretty cool! Rhys also made his pro biking debut with grandpa's helmet and bike shoes. Maybe I could also buy him pjs that actually fit. That shirt is a 4T!

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Guitar Hero

I bought this game awhile back because I had heard great things and thought it would be fun to actually do something FUN for once. We got it before Cerri and Alex visited and it turned out to be a hit with them too!

We have to hide the guitar from Rhys because he always wants to get it out and go crazy. The other day I found him in the living room messing with something (you know when it gets quiet and you're in another room and you have to check to see what's going on?)

And this is what I saw him playing with:

He put his face on there (taken from a book that you could insert a picture) and made himself rock out on the cover of the game. Genius. I love my son.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Fun times


First off, I am not liking my clipless pedals. I crashed AGAIN today, but not on the soft grass. Instead it was in the trail parking lot in front of a bunch of people. I have had no problems clipping out - just clipping in - so it happened clipping out, of course. GAWD!
So I have some nice road rash on my left leg and tore up my elbow. Need to put some more ice on it after I eat. But I sucked it up and went for a 400m swim before my yearly gyno exam.

I tried to put my gyno exam off because after July 1st it would have been free with our new insurance plan. But when I called to reschedule they said he is booked a YEAR OUT! Holy crap. So I stuck with it. He is such a great doctor, I can't even tell you how awesome of a GYN/OB he is and I want him to deliver our next child and I had a bunch of stuff to talk to him about.
He is so awesome, he gave me a free sample of BCP's so that I don't have problems with my period for the Tri, I didn't even think of that, I just wanted to go off them cold turkey! Man, I love this guy.
He was pretty impressed and worried about my road rash - but happy he didn't need to suture! Phew. And we he discussed everything and he basically said I was looking great! All my labs were good, BP, etc. He also wasn't concerned about my weight. And I was floating on air because I weighed 10 lbs less than I did 2 weeks ago. FINALLY!!!!! I have tilted the scale.

Now that I have biked, crashed, swam, been violated by a man who is not my husband, I shall eat lunch and treat myself to a very small dish of icecream. WHOOP WHOOP!
Also, for those who actually read my blog, I have more fun stuff coming - just need to get my act together to post it. Keep checking back!
And by the way, anyone watching So You Think You Can Dance? Thanks "Taylor" for posting this on your blog - I was so mad I missed the first real night!

Friday, June 15, 2007

Small victories

I'm getting over a wicked cold and have had to take the past 2 days off training. Kinda annoying since I was really hitting my groove. So today I told myself to suck it up at at least get on the eliptical for 30 minutes. I haven't touched the elipital since I started running, biking, and swimming. Not a lot of time to do anything else!

So I programmed in one of the more difficult levels. I figured I'd get the most bang for my buck if I had to quit. Surprisingly, despite not being able to breathe thru my nose and a lot of wheezing I killed it! It was so easy it didn't even feel like a work out!

I've been a little discouraged because I haven't dropped much weight since working out so heavily. However, after doing a workout that used to be so tough and walking away without barely breaking a sweat - I know that this extra weight is more muscle than fat. And I'm totally cool with that - for now!

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

I never realized how bad your poetry was.


I love the library. Mainly because it's free, and because it's about books. Poignant, I know. But it's really a cool idea if you think about it. All sorts of people that I have never met share in the same likes, and dislikes, of myself. We are all connected in many different ways. Think about this: I have brought home books with other people's bookmarks, ticket stubs, old receipts from the grocery store, or one of the most unforgettable- gobs of cat hair between the pages.


But no doubt, this little hand drawn sticker has been my most favorite. I wish I had the guts to check out a book of Jewel's poetry and stick it in or maybe had an old boyfriend I could chuck this at. The possibilities are endless......

Friday, June 01, 2007

Hell has frozen over

So, Wednesday was my swim day - I had to bite the bullet and change clothes in the main locker room area because I was short on time to take Rhys to the doctor. It's hard to change and dry off in the stall, and no one was in there...so I took the chance.



Then today I swam again and decided to just throw caution to the wind and change in front of the nude old lady squad. And I did. And no one noticed my nakedness except for me.



So, there ya go. I have become one of them...... but less gray hair and a little less flabby..... phew!



Workout schedule from this week:

Monday - off

Tuesday - short 15 min walk and 30 min yoga

Wednesday - 400m swim

Thursday - 10.5 mile bike

Friday - 800m swim

Sat - planned 50 min walk

Sun - planned 14 mile bike

Friday, May 25, 2007

Yeah!

I did it! My first BRICK! I know this sounds like babysteps, but for me, this is kinda a big deal. I successful took the front tire off and on by myself, corrected a brake problem as well. Rode for almost 6 miles, tried a Hammergel, which could possibly be the grossest thing ever - but I need to practice nutrition, so there ya go. I also ate a few gnats for protein - ewwww.

Rode to the van, hopped off and got the bike tire back off and put the bike in the van. Took a drink, put my capris over my bike shorts (no one needs to see me walking around in those things - at least not yet) and headed out for my 30 min walk.

While I checked my time I accidently restarted my heart monitor. Total bummer....so had to kinda guestimate how far I needed to go before I had to turn around. I even ran a little - keeping a close eye on my heart monitor.

When I got to my van a noticed a little detail I left out. I forgot to put my friggin front tire back in the van! Thank God the people of CR are trustworthy, that would have SUCKED if someone had stolen it. Oh well....

Instead of stretching (I was pissed off about that tire) I jumped back in the van and here I am, alive and not too hungry or achy. So, if I remember what was previously on my heartrate monitor, I burned about 950 cals in a little over an hour. SUUUUHHHHHWWEEEEEET!

Everybody Wang Chung Tonight

In my neverending webquest of triathlon information I found these pictures and in my lame Sixth Grade sense of humor had to put it on my blog. I never said this was going to be a G-rated blog, folks!!!

Why biker shorts are black:

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Postponement

I know that you were all avidly awaiting my Brick results...but there's a crazy storm brewing and I'm too much of a chicken to bike in 30mph winds and rain. Tomorrow is supposed to me nice, so I'm heading out then!!! It will be like a mini tri since I want to swim tomorrow too!!!!

Have a fun Thursday. Aaron and Rhys are both home and we're heading out in the storm to check out landscaping brick for the front yard. Exciting stuff, I know....

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Sweetness

I just swam 700 meters and did it in 25 min (with short 15 sec breaks every 50). And I mostly only swam with my arms and left my legs to dangle. Whoo hoooo!

Here I go again


Yet another training week gone by and the tough one begins! I start my bricks this week. (basically, bike for awhile, then jump off and walk/run for awhile to get used to the transition and crazy jelly legs). I'm both excited and nervous to take this next step.

My other interesting experiment is trying to swim freestyle and not move my legs much. This way I don't burn out my legs for the bike/run-walk part. That has been interesting and quite a workout.

But my most crazy experience with this whole training thing has been the women's locker room at the pool. Now, I see naked people all the time at work, in all sorts of different states. I have no problem with nakedness. However, apparently deep down I do. I swim during the day when they have water aerobics for people averaging the age of 85. These ladies are out there doing their thing and I think that is awesome! However, they also like to just "do their thing" in the locker room. I've never felt comfortable just being naked in front of people - I remember perfecting the art of removing one shirt while putting on another at the same time during gym class in middle school.

But these ladies have NO problem. I have held full conversations with totally naked octagenarians brushing their hair - not quite as sexy as a playboy spread, but apparently people do brush their hair while naked as a jaybird. Others stand in front of the hand dryers - completely nude - to dry off. Other's rinse out their suits in the sink, also completely nude. Another lady is pushing her walker, you guessed it, completely nude from the shower to the bench, where she also sits down to dry off and put her clothes back on.

So when one nude lady asks me, "Are you new?" and I say I am....I know they don't need to ask this questions since I change in the bathroom stall and not out in the open. Call me a prude, but I like to keep my private bits, well, private.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Glorified Journal

Since this is my blog and I can do what I want, I plan on posting some kind of training log of I'm doing for this upcoming Tri. It may bore the hell out of you, but it holds me accountable for my actions. And maybe I'll get a little pat on the back or two, can't hurt!

So, let's backtrack a bit this week, shall we??
Monday - 400m swim
Tuesday - 6.2 mile bike (heck yeah, I'm counting the extra .2!)
First time w/ heartrate monitor and was only in my ideal hr for 10/35 minutes. I was WAYYYYYYYY too high! Average 169...should be around 150

Wednesday - off
Thursday - 4 mile walk with hubby and Rhys in the stroller
Successful kept my heartrate in check was in my ideal hr for 50/60 minutes! Ave. 145!
Friday - 550m swim. It felt awesome and I'm doing so much better with my bilateral breathing! plus it only took me 35 min with breaks!

This weekend I'm doing another 4 mile walk and a 10 mile bike. Wish me luck and no crashing!!!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

The pain train



So right now I'm awake and it just clicked 6am. However, I have been up since 5 with excruciating back pain. I can't lay on any side, or back, or tummy. Pain Pain Pain. I've been dealing with this since I gave birth 2 years ago. Not sure if it's the pregnancy that jacked up my back, or the epidural, or the fact my abdominal muscles got cut during the C-section which weakened my back.

But now with my training it hurts so bad I can hardly breathe. The problem is, what can a chiropractor do that can actually help? I'm pretty sure the problem is my weight. I feel like if I can just drop some weight and strengthen my core muscles I should be able to do this.

I guess the good thing is as soon as I'm up and walking around for about 15 minutes, the pain goes away. i'm literally pain free all day, it's just after I sleep for a couple of hours...but by the time morning comes I"m hurting like heck. Anyway....just a glimpse into my life right now!

Monday, May 07, 2007

Triathlon time!

On July 8th, 2007 I will be participating in the Chicagoland Danskin Triathalon. I have never done one before, so this is going to be quite the experience!

Years and years ago I got swept up in the Discovery Channel's Ecochallenge. This was HARDCORE..... and if it wasn't for the bugs and foot rot, I would love to do something like that too. Basically a bunch of crazy people went to crazy climated places like New Zealand and hiked, rappelled, biked, swam and kayaked through God's amazing scenery. They did this in high and low altitudes, snow, ice, rain and blistering heat. All in a couple of days. They ate stuff out of ziplock bags and had to go to first aid stations to debrid their feet. They would walk in the middle of the night when they were half asleep, poop in holes and puke all the time. Holy crap they were hardcore!

So I am going to settle for a 1/2 mile swim, 12.4 mile bike, and 3.1 mile run (in my case, mostly wog - walk/jog). Much less bugs and foot rot, but probably just as exhilarating to complete!

The Danskin series is women only, all shapes, ages and sizes and you get a finisher's medal! I'm loving that! I have been following an 11 week training program. I'm all ready proud of myself for swimming, walking and biking consistantly (it's week 3!) I haven't checked the scale, but am using my clothes as a reference. Swimming makes me ravenous, so that's been interesting. All in all, I feel better and know I will be able to fit into a pair of trishorts before I race!

I'll be sure to post pics soon!!